And then he leaves you and goes home and the OW takes over. Ie gaslighting/projection STILL). No work then. I will look to add those books to my collection. You have a lawyer for that. You will find someone else. No desire to be in M. Zero care factor for me personally. That was smart of you.not giving her information. Which, if H bothered to even understand what I said, unequivocally says that I cannot trust him by that same definition. Satori. Rinse. We are still here for you and I hope you are doing well. I hope you have something nice to look forward to again, once some more time passes. What a benign sounding word that conveys utter darkness to me now. Coming to the realization that in many ways my H has been controlling the relationship through his actions for a very long time. While I was gone he started calling me and we started having pretty good conversations. Make peace with whoever let you down in the past. Oh gawwwwwd I remember that damn anxiety and heart beating out of my chest in the middle of the night like I was running a race!!! People do not get over loss. I was having sleepless nights, and tried to ignore the jitters by drowning myself in work. Why would anyone stay and be totally disregarded and disrespected?? We have a diagnosis now we can find the cute. You are incredibly strong to pull through all of that. Actually HES the one that needs meds!!! I lost 16 lbs in 2 weeks if that tells you anything about my adrenal system at the time. The long-term investment involved in a serious, committed relationship often makes people more vulnerablethey are terrified that the relationship might fail and leave them stranded or badly hurt. And no more cheating and end A. Infuriating. Id been thru it before. And at that moment the first ray of light broke though. Yes exactly when you own your own business YUK! You are rightit slays. His comment anout R I cant / well that says it all. But there are things we can do to lift the pain somewhat. He doesnt want to see whats wrong with him. Thats good. Yeah, I know her, she had an affair with my husband too. He sure as hell better work his butt off to earn your respect, your trust, and your heart. <- THIS. I grieve the purity of what we had. Hope you are feeling a bit better ShiftingImps. NOW who is the realist!!! Ive never forgiven him for that. See a lawyer. You are right, it has helped me to vent, even if it is , ahem, expressive at times. Which LOL he tried to cut off but couldnt because they were in my name!!! Satori I can only say that youre handling things well. Because that only makes matters more complicated. Hes living in a different time right now. Im not doing so well even though I wish I could say I was But Im gathering thats the typical CS blame game. She didnt force her beliefs on me but we were both on the same page Spiritually. To answer your questions we have been married for 15 years. All of those plans now completely mowed down by me due to A discovery and DDay 1. Her behavior also started when our oldest went off to college. Its in the same category as Organic Fruit / SuperFoods vs McDonalds!! That is heartbreaking. And then, desperately, we go out on the water to rescue them. Im intelligent (according to my Dad this was the ONLY positive thing my FIL said about me LOL) so I will be fine in the case of D and should just go and get a job. I couldnt care less about what anyone thinks about my potty mouth. Lots more. The minute I laid bare the disastrous financial outcome of D I got 4 phone calls and in that moment he wanted to reconsider everything. I take it you are not in the US? Its peace of mind for sure and as Ive had so little of that its a welcome change! It made my heart sink. BSA, I acknowledge and respect your complaint and respect your opinions and your perspectives. I guess Im lucky. With Tenor, maker of GIF Keyboard, add popular Runaway Bride animated GIFs to your conversations. By no means is R easy. You are too controlling Hi Trying Hard So what? People who act against the interests of the team (e.g. I could hardly breathe. So this is where his sense of identity is shaky. Thank you. Then he told me that he thought a good friend of ours would ask me out immediately. Wilbanks has inspired a "Runaway Bride" action figure and a hot sauce called "Jennifer's High Tailin' Hot Sauce". I am so sorry you are going through this. I would literally wake up in the middle of the night with my heart racing as though I were running. Very smart, to play dumb. Of course she didnt bring it up in your prior conversation. I went to CO on this trip and planned on being gone 6 weeks. Its battling windmills to they to equate it to any other reasons. You dictate how you feel and there are no apologies needed for how you feel to anyone. Hes going to say hes confused and he is. Your life is not over. Over time you figure out a way to carry it, how to hold it etc. Thats rightDONT MESS WITH ME!!! He forgave our debts when He has every reason to condemn us. It is just not real their relationship is built on fluff and fantasy. Certainly from an outsiders perspective, H is doing a scorched earth on a pretty awesome situation where he has had an amazing amount of freedom and a material comfort level that most would be beyond grateful for. I mean, after the umpteenth time of asking for a batch of his receipts to be done etc so we can file taxes (nicely for at least 15-18 times) who am I supposed to be on the 19th-20th time of non cooperation Mother Theresa? And we have to hope and pray that they want to commit to our M with all they have. My H is full of self pity as we have all noted here, but its funny ( just as you were saying as per the Queen of Sheba etc) they should be happy now right? A few months into R and my H had the colonoscopy too. If Ive helped ONE person here then my time spent here has been worthwhile. Have a great time. Since Satori did not breed on our expectation / unspoken demand (and even though GoldenCHild did not want children yet) we endorse Satori being punished for no reason because of this. Its only a site I came across in recent weeks, so while Im not naming names, I could literally chart that they are monitoring this thread in particular and are taking exact ideas from here almost word for word (I saw at least 3 that were undoubtedly inspired from posts of mine) and running with them on their money earning blog. So we agreed Id come back when I feel ready. Mission accomplished, you got my attention!! But i WAS right. What kind of lunacy does it take to correlate adults talking together to how we speak to children ??? I am now understanding that is a rookie mistake!! I only read this blog, Betrayed Wives Club ame Chumplady (her moto is dump a cheater gain a life so read at your own risk). Funny thing is I kept agreeing to a D every time he asked for it I just cannot figure out why he didnt leave. Lucky you that at least you didnt have that as well. TFW Far out, the making the bed situation you describe. It made him crazy that I had become empowered and that I was done. LOL. Now that his parents have turned against you he is not saying how will this R wirk. The meds helped and I was only on them short term. 1. SatoriLOLOLOL nah too much work. On occasion, I have the privilege of speaking to groups about my work. Trying Hard is always one of the first ones to show support and care, albeit that she does it differently than I do. This went on for a couple of weeks and I had to take leave from work during that time. I did notice that youd gone kinda silent but I thought maybe you werent in the mood to talk. I get it. This starts to make the shit realllly real for them. I called our sons and they came right over. But, it will give you more control of your interaction with him. I am so sorry to read this. Me: Silence. Although, a wife never wants to be seen as mommy either because then a husband has a hard time viewing her as a lover and that causes a whole other set of problems. Im hopeful that she visits often to work through her pain. Mostly she came over to find out where Im up to, because I think she knows its hammer time. There are no guarantees in this and thats a difficult feeling. I am authentic and real. He is sitting on his hands a lot atm waiting for me to make the moves, which is why I havent made any LOL. With the infidelity split being almost an equal split between genders that are many culpable women out there. And trust me, emotional outbursts can be good. Many people realize, even on their wedding night, that they have compromised on the overall value of their spouse. I heard the whole your so hot (in my 50s) so many guys would love to be in a relationship with you. At least my kids and I could not be walking on eggshells. I just sat in it for a whole day as it was the only place I felt safe. Fuck her. Like I said life was good. So in your experience, do you assess I havent yet seen the real meltdown? We can either let those lessons/experiences destroy us or we can learn and grow from them. His game wasnt working. Just a big announcement or declaration. Thats why I didnt say anything or ask where exactly he was going etc. She is not worth fighting for! Ok you are doing great!! He cant have it both ways. Um he was watching something on television or sleeping in his chair when I played WWF. Right now in his delusional state she is swaying him and controlling him but he is too blinded and stupid to see it. Hell why didnt I just grab a bottle of wine and a gun while I was at it??? Thereafter a break for me of 2-3 weeks NC either away on a trip or just in seclusion depending on how my anxiety resolves post-document signing; before moving to. I had no idea how bad it truly was for you. Why, yes, I in fact, did! In trying to rationalize his A my husband told me about a week before he asked for a D that a lot of guys would want to date me b/c I still look young and am in great shape. Plus Italian men are great for the ego my dear Just do it. I guess I focus more on the message. There are times in life when people are blinded by runaway spouses. My H refused any counseling both during & after A until about 2 years later after Dday2. My grandma (born in 1905) had a rule that she used interpersonally. They are the smart ones. Im glad you are taking care of you but I love reading your posts. Seriously? His mother grew up to be a terrible mother who spoiled her daughters and who spit on the shoes of her sons and told them they were worthless. I know this is not the outcome you wanted. Whatever happened to honesty? I will only put that card on the table as a last resort. But it was only after he first found out that he would not get what he assumed that he started even talking with me again, and then of course the MC suggestion that was retracted etc. They drift slowly away from shore, the fog gets thicker as they drift farther away, and then they have no idea which way the shore is and how to get back. Ive seen guys go in and empty out the house when the wives were gone. And that was right in the middle of the very worst, when it was H literally screaming down the phone like Veruca Salt (the greedy child in Willy Wonka! It doesnt feel positive at all. Wish I was joking. Shes on medication and doing alright somewhere in No. I know he doesnt want the financial pain just even mentioning the tiniest aspect of the price of freedom (for him) sent him into the tail spin. No way he wanted to do that. On to the next leg, Ill tune in again when I next get to civilisation. We just dont have the kind of control over other people. I am so bad at all those acronyms or whatever you call them. My point is how is your wifes behavior any different than another person having an affair that isnt considered MLC? Culture is exactly opposite of this philosophy. Youve thrown him a rope but its his responsibility to climb out. I just wish he would snap out of it. As in whether he was going to stay M or leave me. The roots of the habit of parting lie in the character and those moral attitudes that parents instilled in childhood. It printed at the office. If you are SO UNHAPPY (for years) why is this the first I am hearing about it? Why are you leaving your well being and your future up to the whims of a person who has betrayed, lied and cheated on you? I dont think Ive ever sworn so much or so creatively in my life. My CH decided that his plan would be to tell me at the end of the summer what he wanted to do. Don't worry, We'll not spam you & You can unsubscribe with us any time. And fear. But Im sensing a ploy. It just takes some time, little girl in the middle of the ride. I was dressed up and ready to go when the text came in. I told him today I want my freedom too. Hes overwhelmed, hes scared (duh, right), he may even be ambivalent about the marriage but hes def thinking about it. Thanks Satori I am sorry this has happened at a time when you should be happy and joyous with your new baby. But you need very good advice from an accountant as well as your lawyer. Heck I was offering it up on a platter for him. FWIW.]. Yep its all about cash and his / their dream. It seems from your story that you are still with your husband currently? (She got divorced seven months later.). Was still in shock. It takes an extra special person who just walks out of a M with no explanation. Try not to involve him personally. Im working on getting more sleep. Hugs sister, Thanks Doug, Satori, Trying Hard and the TFW. Crying his life was over. Hes starting to open up a little this is why its called a roller coaster. Unfortunately business and tax stuff meant I had to sms and send emails. Yes, to the blaming me thing. And I think you yourself added that there were two people trying to destroy the M and two people aiming to get what they can out of the business etc namely my H and OW. Big fraud! Its my last chance and my last hope. Ive noticed my level of trust and tolerance for some people has changed. Its code for bitch. But I was ok with it b/c when we needed talk about stuff we would. [As an aside: calling a woman too strong is rarely a compliment, is really a label and always makes me bristle. You lose that, you lose everything. As you can read in the thread Ive been away and feeling a lot better. Just a little trivia thanks to npr.org]. He has too and maybe eating shit sandwiches us just part of life. All of it. One of hers and my mutual friends just couldnt understand why after 3 months she was still crying? Theres plenty of sites that do censor. We talked about everything today. Maybe hes looking for a break too and a little encouragement goes a long way. So how about go away for the weekend. How strange to have to do all this with the person who you trusted the most and who is now the most dangerous risk of all to your emotional and financial health and wellbeing. He was going to MC and lying his ass off. Im not sure what to do. Yes my business fixed her door. Lots of people call their spouses behavior an MLC as though well that is much different than all the other garden variety cheaters. There are good people in the world and Im super grateful to have found my crew here. She admits she did it for the sport of it. I was kind and compassionate and forgiving. He said at the moment I have to try and fight my feelings of fear and try to recallibrate in favor of feeling calm and strong to counter it. So the lovers decided to get married, and at the most crucial moment, when everything is already ready for the solemn wedding, she suddenly turns to her chosen one in a not entirely aesthetic place. One I wouldnt wish on my worst enemy. It feels like he is destroying everything as it seems easier to him to destroy it than to do the necessary work to save it. If anything came out of my craziness it was that. Yes it is a leap of Faith to believe in Him but reading the New Testament has really helped me. SignUp to never miss a Story again. After discovery the house of cards cave in and they are generally left with nothing. I cant say it enough.take care of you. Thanks too for the personal concern for my wellbeing. You can do this. He really started acting nicer and coming around more when I did that. My son who divorced didnt let me get involved much. Geez dont we all want to live carefree?? Keep plugging away every day. Its his only chance to avoid a horrendous court case. 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