If you dont, then you could be alienating him from you. There will always be issues that need solving in marriage, but if you decide to go through them together as a couple, then your bond will only be stronger for it. However, you have to set your boundaries and inform him about them if need be. The family youre creating together has to take precedence over the one he had before. If your husband enjoys a close relationship with his family he may feel a bit separated from his family, now that he has his 'own'. You need to constantly work on your team-playing skills as youre not born with them. Take the example of Meenu and Rajesh, who are both well in their 50s and have been married for more than two decades. Seems like the sooner you wrap your head around that, the better. Then, with this limit in mind, you can better schedule that time so that it covers all the most important gatherings. Their partners rely on them for that. Of course, you work. And the same thing applies to every issue that you might face in the future. In the first case, the act of leaving is a, What Do Bible Verses Say About Family Unity and Peace, 5 Tips on Dealing with Disrespectful In-Laws, 6 Ways of Coping With In-Laws When You Feel Like an Outlaw, 7 Tips for Nurturing Family Relationships in Foster Care, Suggestions For Successfully Blending Families, The Ultimate Guide to Family Planning: Key Questions Answered, Types of Family Planning Methods and Their Effectiveness, 10 Signs of Toxic in-laws And How to deal with their behavior, 15 Tips for Setting Boundaries With Your in-Laws, 50 Best Things to Talk About With Your Boyfriend. And you dont know what to do about it. Why is it that mothers find it that difficult to see their son be happily married? If your husband was raised by very domineering or controlling parents, he might still be very cowed and obedient with them even when and if it comes to your marriage and life decisions together. My husband always supports his mother the more you let this thought fester in your mind, the harder it will be to accept their bond. All about sneakers. The question of who should come first is further complicated for religious couples, who also have to figure out where God fits into . Show him that you know how he feels. Work together to find a solution for this particular problem. And your so-called partner wont stop anyone from hurting you. I didnt leave my parents and my home to be treated like an educated maid. As a consequence of them maturing early, they usually learn how to be independent from an early age and get married sooner than men. So what to do when your husband chooses his family over you? Top My Husband Chooses His Family Over Me Quotes. Instead of arguing, try to be a team player with your husband. Suddenly, it dawns on him that hell spend less time with his family and more with you. Start visiting your parents more often and spend more time with them, just as your husband does. Dont assume that your husband agrees with you on something. But, I refuse to become a victim of toxic behavior anymore. 3) Find Your Independence. People also start to take each other for granted and reactdifferently to, Why is it that we only hear about women being difficult acceptors? And most importantly, he needs to stand by you, support you, and defend you if youre being mistreated. Mothers-in-law usually feel threatened by the presence of another woman in their sons life. He shouldnt take their side or favor their view simply because hes afraid of standing up to them. Rajesh is a protective and caring son, and Meenu treats that affection as an affront to her place in her life. And then there are times when men choose to live with their parents even though they have some other options. Else, continuous in-law conflicts will cause a significant rupture in your relationship with your spouse sooner or later. Men are natural avoiders. But, maybe the reason he chooses his family over you is that he wants to be the peacekeeper and tries to avoid any potential conflict between you and his family. Should Your Spouse Be Your First Priority? He simply disagreed. His mother passed away three years ago, unexpectedly. To know if. He still feels a strong connection with his parents and has a hard time figuring out whether or not youre more important than them. Theres no shame in getting help from a trained relationship counselor (either by yourself or with your partner) who can listen to your concerns and offer helpful advice to navigate your way through the issue. In this situation, you have to compromise. Be completely open with him and tell him how these relationships have been making you feel isolated and neglected. As his wife, you could have been devastated by this decision but your husband chooses his family over you and tells you, looking after his family is his duty and you have to accept that since you are married to him. I know it hurts when your husband chooses his family over you. When their sons arent around them, they dont know what to do and they feel like they need them all day every day. This scary and stressful situation is a reality for many married women in India. We suggest that you learn to pick your battles. If your husband sees that he's neglecting his family in . But the problem arises when your man decides to embark on a new journey and start his own family. I'm not saying he doesn't love you and that you are not important to him. Family issues are always tricky. Try to ignore the bad things and look for the good ones.. Thats simply not true. One tactic to be aware of is that of isolating your husband and trying to persuade him to side with them. Basically, if your husband is showing you that youre not top priority in his life, then make yourself the priority in yours. This website uses cookies. Heres a request to every husband out there: Stand up for your wife and protect her from the attacks that come from the people close to you. Include your own parents in your family holidays and when he is buying sarees for his mom, buy the same ones for your mom too. This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Thats how he ends up spending more time with his family than with you. Instead, show compassion and understanding. One excuse that's commonly heard in situations where your husband chooses his family over you is "they've been family to me longer than we've been a couple." Basically, that because they've all known one another and supported one another for as long as your husband has been alive, they - and their views, wants, needs, and preferences - need to take precedence over yours. You hardly have the guts to stand for the person, who left everything for you her family, her home! While I made you my priority, it is heart-wrenching that I was still not your priority. Will he just ignore it? And Im not one to judge this is a great thing. You cant force him to change. Perhaps, whatever free time he does get between work and other responsibilities, he spends it hanging out with his friends. Your husband may even be pretty cheery when relatives come, but he can also be oblivious about you getting stressed attending to the entourage. You can sort out your feelings by talking. Here is some expert advice for you. It requires you to have a lot of understanding and compassion. Some of our partners may process your data as a part of their legitimate business interest without asking for consent. When children are socialized in India it is drilled into their head that your parents will always be your priority and even now when sons want to have a separate residence after marriage there is severe criticism not only from parents but also relatives and the neighbors who keep saying: there goes the son tied to the wifes pallu. 2. You need to understand why they said that to you; They are not your enemies., Accept them, they are like that. Resentment would create negativity in your relationship. In this case, women feel alone and unprotected from the onslaught of the family. What can I do about it? Follow us at: This website uses cookies to ensure you get the best experience on our website. Dont taunt him for being a mamas boy. So, take a step back and breathe. Why is it that only the mothers in law are the ones who are the most difficult to please? Youre contemplating the reasons for his actions and even if the two of you have a future together anymore. Does your home feel like a Dharamsala where relatives walk in without even calling and expect you to leave everything and make tea and snacks for them the moment they show their face? If push comes to shove, the best that they can do is support their mothers. It is fine not to take sides. Except a zombie would actually acknowledge your existence. But not all of us are ready and know how to compromise. While youre dealing with this issue, make your self-care an absolute priority. If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married. As his wife, you might have often heard that it is your job to make his life easier and not harder. Maybe youre wrong and hes right. However, if the boundaries are shaky and a man's . And, in case you find yourself helpless to protect your wifes honor and dignity at least dont stop her from protecting herself. Or you can suggest that you alternate houses, occasionally having his parents over to your place instead. But there is a balance to be struck here. He's your ex-boyfriend, or, if you prefer, your former fianc. It's on the Rogue River with 10 acres, a beautiful 3500 sqft home and an Adu above the barn. Related Reading: How Destructive Are Indian In-Laws? No relationship is worth tolerating abuse and disrespect for. After the pheras, a dish of uncooked rice is placed before the newlyweds, and whatever name the husband chooses to write in the rice becomes the new name of his wife. Indian mothers-in-law are said to be pretty possessive about their sons and so, at times they cause unnecessary fights and arguments with their daughter-in-law. My wife constantly pleaded with me to not drink, not drink too much, or to not go out at all I'd still go out, drink too much and get drunk . In that case, you will have to support him to stand by his family. When you exchanged your vows with the man you expected to choose you over everyone, you wanted him to be there by your side through thick and thin. Dont normalize the toxic behavior just because they are your parents or siblings. And no one can solve their problems if the only thing they can think about is how hurt they are. Theres little to zero privacy and your relationship with your husband will be heavily tested because of it. She has been known to subsist on coffee and soup for days at a time, and when she isn't writing or tending her garden, she can be found wrestling with various knitting projects and befriending local wildlife. If you would like to change your settings or withdraw consent at any time, the link to do so is in our privacy policy accessible from our home page.. But what to do if your mother-in-law tags along everywhere? If they think an American college is a waste of money but you have always aspired for one for your son, put your foot down. It might be worth sitting down and having an honest conversation about how much time you are willing to spend with his family. And thats a beautiful thing. Want to have a happier, healthier marriage? Why? Everything is going to be alright. Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships and is passionate about writing on them. Its not uncommon in married life for there to be fights and arguments between a wife and a mom-in-law or husband and father-in-law. You that youre not top priority in yours balance to be treated like an educated maid he spends hanging. With his family and more with you on something educated maid great thing honor! 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