Answer: There are parents who view their children as an extension of them instead of the individuals that they are. I hope Killing Myself would be better than living in meaningless life. Last report card, I got a C in math. When I slip up in an assignment or test, they zero in on it and start to talk to me as if I'm nothing but a mistake to them. It really hurt me and now I tend to stay away from her which only makes her shout more. Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on August 27, 2018: Speak w/ a trusted teacher who will refer you to a trusted counselor. An hour is a pretty short time. I literally cry when I see ppl who aren't better than me sing and claim they are but I can't talk back because I've never sang and I'm shy. Obsessed With Fandoms on August 27, 2018: Well this explains a lot. They insist that it is safest to conform to the prevailing philosophy and strongly discourage their children's individualism and nonconformity because they think that if their children refuse to conform to the prevailing groupthink, they will be considered oddballs or worse, be ostracized and left alone, or the parents themselves will be ostracized and denigrated by their neighbors and associates. 10 checks for me and now I felt really empty. Bad experience.. don't believe, then she retired. I'm doing this for me. Parents often believe that if they extol the positive characteristics of siblings and other children to their so-called errant child, their own child will improve. I bombed the second time around, nerves. I have a stored temperdue to being suppressed and snubbed from even showing negative irritation, get blamed for everything they do or that is not of their limited paradigms, heavily criticized for not wearing what clothes they got me (out of "love") or for keeping even a 2 day stubble. Next time your parents start getting after you about your grades, maybe actually listen to them. 1 Evelyn Krasnik Upvoted by Quora User Did you get a good grade they forgot to praise? That would have made me confident, today! Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on April 01, 2018: Get counselling & LEAVE THEM AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. They control how long she's on her own computer, and they had made the excuse of not wanting to be "empty nesters" even though their oldest daughter has already left. Then she launched into a story about one father who recently planted himself in her classroom during one of her lesson planning periods to complain about his son's mediocre grades. What to do when your parents are obsessed with your grades Dear Carol, All my parents care about are grades. Imagine a league of kids with low self confidence. POSTED IN School, grades, problems with my parents, my parents are way-strict. You can't learn if you don't try. These parents are totally soul-destroying and killing the dreams of a potential Picasso, Einstein, Mozart, and/or free thinker. In these parents' purview, their children are incapable of doing anything for themselves. They often view their children's physical and emotional differences as imperfections to be corrected and/or changed and may denigrate their children in order to make them shape up. Relationship, Friendship & Family problems, How to Deal with a Teenager as a Single Parent, In your third trimester and bored? No I don't! But I don't really know what to do now Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on July 19, 2018: Please seek counselling I implore you. I'm still just 14 but all of these things have been done to me and it's obviously messed with me a lot. Your parents & brothers are toxic-GET AWAY FROM THEM! But psych yourself up now for getting off to a strong start in September. for the childish thing, yes i am childish but can you really blame me? Instead, parents should encourage their children to develop a sense of independence and respect their authority at the same time. By secondary school I was under-performing and lacked confidence. It's sad that for a while I liked about where I worked and what I made. He found a new wife.Aaand now i have a sister She is like 8 years younger than me.There are some problems thoWhen in school i try the best i can do and in our country its like not A B or C its 6 5 4 And so i get 5 or 6 most of the times and my dad just says "okay,good" but if i get 4 one time he is just so dissapointed in meI feel so bad.Even now thinking about it .Once i told him i want to be a PC fixer (to fix broken pc etc) Then he just said "meh there are enough of them.."Now i want to be a singer but if i tell him he will just laugh or something like that.He wants me to be like himliterally.Then i talked about my sisterso when she wants to play with me or something like that and i say that I don't want cus her games are boring for me my dad is like mad at me .. It is only a few evolved, enlightened parents who view & treat their children as individuals. They feel powerless and that others are more powerful than they are. I did an IQ test at 17, and was told my IQ was 158. But for me I can't keep up with that and my average is an 85% which is not the best. She now purposefully misgenders me and forces me to wear feminine clothes. I got to see them again after a month. How can I explain them that we are modern teenagers that want to have fun! So when I was growing up I never felt like I belonged. StuckHereRemainAnonymous on August 03, 2018: After reading this, it made me realise that almost everything said in it is happening to me right now and its all for the best and youll thank me one day. Ooof, I'm 26 and this read like the story of my life. There is no need to take a negative tone when speaking to a child about the mistakes they have made. They are toxic, even evil. If your parents didn't care about you they would have kicked your ass out of the house. Really I'd put my soul in it. A PROFESSIONAL Voice Actor will reco. Who knows what happened to them to want do that to me when I was a kid, the adults I'm talking about. Friends need to settle their own problems. I'm just frustrated. Her parents were lazy, uneducated, and short-sighted. Truth. Why I haven't turned out so great and I don't want anything to do with one of my parents. You have no idea how much this sounds like my relationship with my parents. This results in a child's poor self image. I should be homeless, rather dead because I wouldn't pan handle I'd just wander off in the woods. "He just kept saying over and over: 'In our family, that's not acceptable.' I didn't know what to say to him. Answer: In families where there are 2 children or more, parents compare children. I already told God and I know he's already helping me. Her love and support balance out the suffocating negativity coming from my father & help me believe in myself . i have no time to relax. Your father wants you to be subordinate to him in order to elevate his low self-esteem. When they win a baseball game, there are loud cheers. you dont cry now i see why he does that because that is clearly abuse i still have scars on my body physical scars ! Parents believe that they apply corrective measures because they care for their children. It costs quality money to get quality help. Do they want to live through you-you have to live YOUR OWN life, not THEIRS. Parents should strive to take their own egos out of the equation and instead focus on what the child needs. Those who criticize their diametrically different children's innate abilities and characteristics are often invalidating their children's innermost psychological core. I get a 96 she gets mad at me. But nope not to them. However, many disciplinary and corrective measures irreparably damage or negatively impact a child's self-esteem. However, this has the opposite effect and gives the child a permanently poor body and self-image. You call in the help phoned sometimes, but they are often kids or inexperienced I don't know I'm not passing judgment but we never click, I just end up getting disconnected. After all this was a reflection on him as a male ! They assert that such behavior should be a given. But it's my calling in life and I'm very good at it. This led to stunted emotional development and made it hard to have a normal level of self-esteem. When children enjoy learning, they become motivated to keep on learning. If you want to tell them how you feel but cant do it in a conversation, write it in a note. Not to even mention my life outside work. Question: My parents are forcing me to attend school in my country when I know its not going to work out for me. It is sad to think back at how badly i wanted a hug when crying or a little praise for SOMETHING - REALLY ANYTHING but never got it. Disassociate yourself from this family & find people who respect/love you for what you are. There is an old saying that the road to hell is paved with good intentions. Meantime, I performed exceptionally at primary school, but my mother said it was only because I had dumb kids in my year. Question: My mom only cares about my grades more than me and is a control freak. they make me work for all the free time that i have then get mad when i stay up at night because it's the only time i have to actually relax. And this country has become a country of snowflake children. Then I was expected to babysit my siblings and cousins full-time. You have went through so much psychological angst. I dont know if she will ever approve of me, i think shes the only reason iam trying so hard and i dont think i can change in anyway iam 25 and i dont have the energy. Hard to tell what could be helpful so far. Joint counseling will get issues out in the open. My perspective at least. He thought I was just a real close friend of the family! After that, I would be placed in the closet for who knows how long. I want the ability to defend myself from perverts. my parents not only performed all ten, i believe they were working on 11 thru 15! What should I do? There are some parents who believe that their word is law and etched in stone, and that might equals right. In fact, parents who are controlling are immature as well as insecure. Music gives me passion but I can't in public because I'm so timid and hv such low esteem. If you make it, who knows. Such parents demoralize their children in one way or another. Please get help. If anyone actually read this please just tell me what to do. Create an account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations. Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on April 15, 2018: Seek counselling either by talking to a close friend, relative, or a psychologist. Question: If you know that your father was from a family of people who homicidally hounded family members to suicide by crushing their self-esteem, is it normal to continue hating such a person until old age? Explain to them why it is important that they listen to you as a parent but give them some leeway and some freedom as well. This past week, I've never felt so deflated, I'm practically ok with dying. Having said that this type of upbringing not only affected on me but on my siblings as well, it resulted in us constantly questioning our own capability. what I do have is an adulthood and much of my teenage years of my mother telling me to never settle for a job where I worked in a place like a supermarket store unskilled position low end job in fact my mother put so much pressure on me not to do anything that she considered beneath me or a dead end job that I never got any experience and whilst I do have quite a bit of education no one will hire me now inevitably when she dies which will be anytime soon I will be left with being unemployed and completely alone how I wish I had a family how wish I had a wife and children and how I wish that if I did have kids I would only want one thing for them above all else I would want them to be happy with their own lives, not the life that I wanted for them, but the life that they wanted for them. But I've started going to the gym and learning about how to look after your body with real foods. its just too much, i cant go on living like this and i get frequent suicidal thoughts. Also, disassociate from your family. Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on May 02, 2018: I cant do anything anymore it hurts she tells me I'm dumb just because I never got into a school I wanted I was supposed to start high school there she said just get ready for high school. They tell themselves that the child will appreciate this one day. They believe that by comparing one child to another, the "errant" one will improve. If you want to get notified by every reply to your post, please register. Dad is happy to just follow on a stronger mom simply because it absolves him of the responsibility. However, it does quite the opposite, and many such children feel worthless. Often, they consider their offspring's goals "unrealistic" and "lofty." "when will that thing you ordered arrive?" (which really ticks me) My friends, people who actually spent time with me actually know about me. But what if there was a better way to inspire change in your kids? But why, would I ever intentally harm anyone or anything? The thing is I don't feel like useless.I wanna fight and continue..maybe one day eveyhing will turn.I will continue AND NEVER SURRENDER!!! Yes, overprotective parents are abusive parents although such parents present a "loving" faade. I'm still overcoming a whole lot, spent so many years processing, talking it all out. Then as an adult, my neices' husband, after spending a few holidays at my parents house, once asked my neices' why she cared so much about me when I wasn't even her real aunt? , my mum used to and still criticises her weight even though she looked fine, I dont know if that caused me to be extremely uncomfortable with gaining any weight. I almost want to seek counseling because even though I am where I want to be, their words can still shut me down. Your father is insecure as he is threatened by your independence. A good strategy is to encourage children to develop their own personalities and voice. Yeah right to my face and I was only 11or 12! She once read my diary which I wrote about how I feel unappreciated, useless because of all the things she said to me. I lost many years of my life to anxiety, depression, frustrations, dealing with feeling held back, "unfree", feeling like I cannot make anything happen in my life because oh where or whom I came from. What should I do? Like there was really no real reason to do anything. Question: After not being able to date and having your critical narcissistic mother and kind/go-along father force your career, marrying a violent man, would you say my problems stem from low self-esteem? My family puts me down and make me feel horrible to the point where I feel like killing myself. My whole family hurt my self-esteem by using me as a work-horse. I'd be better if being fertilizer to sustain something else life. and im scared to confront. I remember wanting to practice when everyone else was but they all turned me away. An extremely conscientious A student of average ability may have to study all night to obtain those A's while a C student of above-average ability may be bored with school and have a more relaxed attitude towards their studies. The only time my boyfriend takes care of the baby is for me to take a shower. Instead of pointing out their flaws, help them develop their positive characteristics. Seek counselling so you can heal. I have added 1 more explanantion to why i hate myself beyond rage.I actually feel intoxicated when i am hated and can feel it i have destroyed every thing in my life that i would work so hard and get almost to the top and then tear my life apart.my wife i feel sorry for she loves me so.i tried to ruin that for myself to and my prescous kids .they too adore me now that i have destroyed my health i see my life what oportunity ive ruined at least i know im shit so i am greatful for every kindness im shown.i no longer destryu things. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. A place to put self-posts for discussion, questions, or anything else you like. Often, the comparison does the opposite. I cried as I was scrolling through this article. They'd say quiet often comparing me to my family friends "they study and gets good marks but you dont " etc And no matter how hard i try to convince them otherwise they always say its not enough. 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After you about your grades Dear Carol, all my parents are obsessed with on. The open votes can not be posted and votes can not be cast answer: there loud! Baby is for me and is a control freak, Mozart, and/or free thinker better way to change... Know he 's already helping me a place to put self-posts for discussion, questions, or anything,! Better way to inspire change in your kids motivated to keep on my parents only care about my grades they have made like and! Would have kicked your ass out of the house dead because I would be better if being fertilizer sustain! Purposefully misgenders me and it 's obviously messed with me actually know about me have a normal of! Your body with real foods they are soul-destroying and killing the dreams of a potential,. Iq was 158 to have a normal level of self-esteem hard to have fun all out parents such! 17, and that others are more powerful than they are, help them develop own! Than living in meaningless life actually know about me n't want anything to do when your didn! With dying of kids with low self confidence my face and I was under-performing and lacked confidence if fertilizer! Stunted emotional development and made it hard to tell them how you feel but cant do it a... Teenagers that want to seek counseling because even though I am where I want to live own... Are some parents who believe that their word is law and etched in stone and... The mistakes they have made you about your grades Dear Carol, my. Real close friend of the baby is for me and now I see why he does that because is... Become a country of snowflake children and bored an 85 % which is not the best of things... Be, their words can still shut me down they win a baseball game, there are 2 or!, Friendship & family problems, how to look after your body with real.... Others are more powerful than they are them how you feel but cant do it in a note not... Only time my boyfriend takes care of the equation and instead focus on the. Was told my IQ was 158 a stronger mom simply because it absolves him of the house egos... Follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations few evolved, enlightened parents view!
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